I read to escape!

Why do I read what I read?

What does it mean that I only want to read books about the supernatural, Witches, Vampires, Werewolf's. Historical Romance and futuristic books or a hot love story. I very seldom read novels that are classified as good literature? For a long time I have been wondering if there is something wrong with me.

The same with the movies and TV programmes that I watch, I can't stand movies about animals, any hardships or real life, give me a Dracula movie any day, or a Disney or Pixar movie. The only movie that does not fall into this category are one of my top 5 movies, The Shawsank Redemption. Again a Stephan King book. So that should speak for it self.

I am at the point that I have started to make peace with this side of my personality. I will read what I want and I don't care anymore what you think.

I have always been fascinated with the supernatural in an escape from reality way. I think we have all been brain washed that being fascinated with anything supernatural is evil. I know the difference between wright and wrong, I don't practice magic and I am not looking for a real life vampire. I use the supernatural as an escape from reality, especially when I can't cope.

People reading Speculative fiction (science fiction, fantasy, and paranormal) tend to be more Intuitive. 

Being aware of myself 

Doing a bit of research about what this means, I started to remember stuff that I have forgotten, or needed to keep quiet about, or realized made other people uncomfortable.

One of my earliest memories are me flying / levitating in my room I was about 5 or 6. Just like floating on water I just hang in the air for a while. I have a very vivid memory of this. It might be a recurring dream, but it is one of those memories that stayed with me. Even then I  had to escaped from reality or maybe not.

I know I have the virtue of Discernment, I have always been able to tell if a person have good or bad intentions, I don't remember every being wrong about that, it might take awhile for that person to show their true colours but it always happen. As a child you don't always know how to avoid people like that, but I learned that the hard way. And it does not always prevent you still getting hurt or being disappointed. I am only human.

I can feel when there is a spirit/ ghost in the same room as me, I can't see them. It is something that you can't fight or discard as your imagination. It forms part of me having Discernment as a virtue.

I have always believed that everything are connected.

Reading up about my book preference, I understood now that I use these kind of books as a way to distance  myself from the emotions and feelings of the people around me, my family, friends or the people that I work with. It's not that I don't want to be there, it's that I can only heal myself if I escape from reality for awhile.
I feel to much and that drains me emotionally. I become very dark and even sick!  I am somebody that needs a lot of me time, and as I can't remove myself from most of these places, like my home or my work, I use the time when I read as my alone time, a time to recharge. I like escaping into an alternate universe or another life. I also like to escape into music when I can't read! I take myself away and just enjoy those times. When I get back I can cope again. I refuse to feel guilty about any of this.

I noted that I have a lot of the traits of an Empath. I am not saying I am one, but trying to understand myself I could see a lot of myself in the traits listed:

Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable, I don't watch the news or read any newspapers. 

Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for me and pets are an essential part of their life. I identify with many forms of nature and frequently feel affinity towards storms, and I feel grounded when I have my feet in the ocean.

Need for solitude: I will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time, a bubble bath and a glass of wine.

Likes adventure, freedom and travel. Yes that is me!

Abhors clutter I am not obsessive, but I like thing to be where they should be.

Excellent listener: I don't talk about myself unless it’s to someone I really trust. 

I love to learn and know about others and I genuinely care. My friends know they can trust me.

The ability to feel the days of the week, and I see the days in colour. Tuesday is yellow.

You know when someone is not being honest. Again discernment.

Constant fatigue: I often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure.

Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.


This is why I only read books about the supernatural, Witches, Vampires, Werewolf's. Historical Romance and futuristic books or a hot love story!

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2015 my year of changes.

Every year I have a list of new years resolutions. I get to most of them, but in 2014 I decided that the list would be very short and I am so clad about that, because it was a very difficult year for me personally.

For 2015 my only new years resolutions will be changes to myself, I cut my hear short, losing the last few kilograms and making a few more changes to my life. I have already started with the exercises for the 6 pack tummy! Living more green will also part of the changes. I would like to save our planet it is the only one with coffee, chocolates and wine.

I am going to be true to myself.
I want to be honest with myself all the time.
I want to find the real me again.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I need to make peace with my darker side, it is part of me and if I want to start being honest with myself, I need to acknowledge that part as well.
I will not be afraid to express my opinion and say what is on my mind when I feel that I am being stepped on.
I will not worry about what other people might think, I just want to do stuff that I enjoy and make me feel alive. I have already started doing this a while back.
I have not been in a comfort zone for a while, but that is okay. I want to keep it that way.
I am going to try be okay with all the broken pieces that I carry around, I can live with those scars.
I know I need a lot more me time, so I hope I can take the time when needed.
I will be saying no a bit more. Making my boundaries clear.


I believe that sometimes we need to take back the things we might have lost along the way.