New years resolutions.

2018!

I stopped making new years resolutions a few years ago.

The only resolution I do have is to start making small changes to the way I think and act.

I am going to try and do 5 of these at least once this year.

1. Donate a bag of old cloths to a charity close to my home.
2. Drop one bag of dog or cat food at my SPCA.
3. Buy a cake at our local Home Industry, they support a lot of people in my neighbourhood. 
4. Support the local markets in and around my town, it might be the only income the exhibitors have.
5. Say thank you a lot more. 
6. Ask politely. 
7. Fill-up my car at a filling station in the poorest area in my neighborhood, they employee people from the areas around them.
   
8. Recycle one bag of paper or one bag of plastic bottles.
9. Try to pick up 3 plastic items when I am on the beach and recycle them.
10. Plant a tree.
11. Donate a book to my local library.
12. Save electricity and save more water.
13. Buy something form a small business close to my home.
14. I am going to try and use the stairs at the office.
15. I have ordered stainless steel straws already, I am trying not to use plastic once at all.
16. I am going to try and stop all my printed bills, and request all of them to be e-mailed to me.
17. I try not to buy plastic bags, but if I have to I will try and buy one less that needed.
    

Just maybe this will save our planted for one more year!

My favorite season - the festive season.

My name is Ciska and I am addicted to x-mas decorations.

I live if South Africa, and our Christmas time, is summer break, long hot summer days, swimming, watermelons and cold meat and salads.

This does not stop us from enjoying the festive season, we are just as excited as everybody else in the world.

The magic of Christmas time creeps up on us around the end of October. First you don't notice the decorations in the shops, but on one of our hot summer days it hits you over the head. It's the end of the year.

Boney-M is playing over the sound systems in all the malls and you relies you will have to start thinking about the gifts, menus and holiday plans.

Every year when I open the first box of ornaments I get the same feeling that I had as a kid, this excitement and the promise of a magical time.
I am a mom so I need to share the tree with the boys, I want them to feel the same way about this holiday as I do, but it is so hard not to go and move some of the ornaments around to where I would have liked to place them, later when they are asleep.
But I am also a softy and all the handmade x-mas decorations the boys ever made are still part of my collection, and I will always keep them. My family knows about my love for these decorations, so I also have a nice collection from all over the world. Remembering the people that gave them to me when I am putting them on my tree makes the tradition even more precious. Then we decorate the rest of the house, inside and out.

I have to confess I have a plastic tree, not a real one, living in a city makes it a bit difficult to find real tree, and in our country pine trees are an invading species. We don't have a lot of water in South Africa so a plastic tree makes more sense.

My tree will probably fall over one of these days, I don't have any space left on the branches, and I have already hid a few new decorations around the house this year and I can't wait to add them to my tree.

I think it is one of those times that I can throw myself into the magic for a few weeks and over indulge my addiction, enjoy the high this brings. I can then survive for the next 11 months until I can start all over again.

The tree is only allowed to go up on the 1st of December each year and it have to go down on the 1st of January. I do this to keep the holiday and this festive season special. I don't want the boys or me to lose this magical feeling. I hope that they will start a similar tradition in their own homes one day.

I start my yearly Christmas Pinterest board in January. I just can't help myself. And I buy a lot of decorations on sale after Christmas. I can't walk past any decorations without stopping and having a look to see if there is something new that I don't have yet.

I do dream of waking up to a white Christmas morning one day, somewhere in Europe maybe.

But a hot summer's day for Christmas, at the beach or on a farm with family is the South African way.

Hope you all of you feel the same about my favorite season.

Never appologise

Never apologise!

I have a tattoo, I like tequila.
I read fantasy novels, and listen to rock music.
I don't listen to Afrikaans music.
I drive to fast, and like to 4x4.
I love vampires and werewolf's.
I still get my left and right wrong.
I am a chocoholic and hate the winter.
I cry about animals more than people.
When I am close to an ocean, I have to walk in the water.
I am crazy about travel.
I hate pranks.
I love to dance and I am a cat person.
Coffee is my drug.
I believe in old souls and that we can have more than one soulmate.
I over analyse.
I still wear a bikini even if I have lots of scars.
I get very impatient and can't take it if somebody don't see logic.
I believe in parallel universes.
I am not a hypocrite and I don't judge.
I read people in seconds.
I am an insomniac and use pills to sleep.
I love antiques and already have to many pieces in my house.
If I could shape shift it would be into a dragon.
Steampunk is cool.
I will never have enough shoes.
I want a 1933 Ford coupe.
I use swear words and I talk to myself.



And I will never again apologize for the Ciska I have become!

Lets teach our boys the following:

I have two boys age 14 and 12. So both teens but still boys, growing into men.

I am teaching my boys some of the following things, and the rest are things that I still need to teach them before they grow up to become the adults that I would like them to be.

I want kind, considerate and caring men.

1. I am always on your side.
2. Respect everybody. And I mean everybody.
3. Be kind to animals.
4. Look the person you shake hands with in the eyes.
5. You are what you do, not what you say.
6. Girls like clean boys, so take a bath often.
7. If you don't have another choice but to use force, then hit first and hit hard.
8. Give a street performer a coin if they made you stop and look.
9. Learn to listen what people are saying.
10. Don't forget to thank those who help you.
11. Never, under any circumstances, argue with a girl with PMS or a pregnant women.
12. Always offer to carry stuff for girls, your mom and female members of your family.
13. If someone gave you their car for a ride, return it with a full gas tank.
14. Always pic the window seat and enjoy the ride, even if you are afraid of heights.
15. Never put a photo on the internet you don't want your parents or superiors to see.
16. Don't spoil family pictures. Always smile.
17. Tell me if you are bullied at school, I will kill them.
18. Never be a bully! I will kill you!
19. Always sing in the car if your favorite song is on, even or especially if you can't sing.
20. If your teacher forgot to check the homework, don't remind them.
21. Don't fart in front of girls, and always say sorry.
22. Never waist food, there are to many starving people on earth.
23. Google is your friend, Read!
24. Keep your promises, always!
25. Safe your money, as much as you can.
26. Before you do something, remember that you will have to live with the consequences of your actions.
27. Learn from your mistakes, and if you don't you can't blame somebody else. 
28. Boys and girls are equal, you are not better because you are a boy.
29. You are allowed to cry.
30. If you ever become a parent you are just as responsible for your kids as their mother.
31. No is No!
32. Always tell the truth.
33. Learn to read a recipe and then bake a cake.
34. You have to brush your teeth twice a day!
35. Life is not fare!
36. Never ever say "you are crazy" to a girl, then she will go crazy on you.
37. Go easy on the cologne.
38. Always were clean underwear
39. If I found out that you smoke or used chemical drugs I will smack you
40. Don't spit it is disgusting. 
41. Never raise a hand to a women.
42. Tell people that you love them.
43. Never kiss and tell.
44. Don't be late.
45. Open the door for other people, not just girls.
46. Always flush the toilet.

I might have missed some, but as I remember I will teach the boys.

Puzzle pieces.

Life's puzzle box! A Story.....

Starting to put the puzzle together, you have to choose to commit or abandon this journey. This is one of those life altering adventures.

Stories have to be told or they die.....

Where do you put the first piece?

Where will you start looking for the true picture.

What if you discover that a lot of the pieces have never been taken out of the box?

Which pieces of the story are missing?

Holding pieces so tightly in your hands. But you don't have the courage to put them down. You might not even be aware that your are holding them at all.

What if the pieces are invisible, or only reflections. Can we face those reflections and accept the truth of what we see. Will we be able to find and recognise the invisible ones?

How do you complete the puzzle if some of the pieces are lost forever? Those pieces that represent situations that you can't forget, or words that you never said and things you never did, heartbreaks and disappointments, even choices you made.

Pieces representing feelings that you never want to feel again.  Even feelings that you are not ready to feel.  Maybe you never will.

Memories stuck in your head and heart.

Accepting the dark pieces that will never be clear again. Accepting that you might be exhausted trying to flip pieces facing down around, and never turn them around ever.

The pieces might even be broken and can never be glued together again. But these pieces still have a place in your puzzle.

All of these different pieces completing the picture.

Piecing the puzzle together might take the rest of your life. Maybe you will never complete the puzzle.

I choose to start my puzzle! I will fight! I will remember and I will feel, until I can see the clear wonderful picture that is me!

.

Connections.

What will be the reason behind connections and chemistry, between us and others, even us and objects?

People, good or bad, connections with animals, tame or wild, connections with objects and a connection with nature or elements of nature.

I have instant connections, and then I admit to having connections that had to grow over time.

I  do have a few people in my life, that I had no connection with when we first met, but as we got to know one another and spend time together, the connection started to grow, especially when you have a lot in common.

Friendships, 20 years later and the connection start again at that moment, no amount of time interfered.

I have people that I have met, only once, for a few days, or over a period of time, seeing them only 2 or 3 times a year, but I formed a connection so strong that it will last forever.

The connections with my boys were instant, the moment that I new I was pregnant and then that second I first met them, looked at them and smelled them. Nothing will break that connection or our invisible cord.

And after a lot of soul searching I had to admit that I was disconnected from myself on so many levels, I call it my darker side, others might call it the black hole. This can mean so many things and every person will have different ideas. I hope to start working on connecting with myself and take responsibility for my own happiness.  Dismissing my own feelings, resulted in feeling invisible.
I know that I allow others to drain my energy and I have found myself lost on more than one occasion. I urgently need to connect with my feelings, so that I can start on the path to the real me.

The most embarrassing eye opener are those connections that were never real. I really thought that I have a good and real connection only to find out years later that I was blind or unable to see the connection was a lye and that I was too trusting. Ignoring my six-sense. The hurt only adds to the self disgust. I don't know why I could not see the connection being corrupt. I might have been at a place in my life where I could not see the truth and I could or would not listen to my gut. I thought this was what I needed, even if I was lying to myself and I did not want to hear that I might have been wrong.

Not making a connection or having bad feelings about people, are part of life. I believe it protects us from harm. And no matter how hard I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, my six sense kept on screaming for me to get away, I can't remember when I have been wrong about people, every time I felt this very negative connections.

I have also met people and those overwhelming negative almost evil feelings were so intense that it made me fiscally sick, and the hate and disgust were so shocking that I was knocked on my ass.

My friends are an eclectic mix of people, younger and older than me, both male and female. And from different cultural backgrounds.
And those connections turned into relationship, and at the end of the day, it is those relationships that can be seen by the people around us.
Each of us need as many different people around us as we can find, we need to learn from one another, non of us will be able to survive without the energy of others around us. I need all of them 20 years older or 20 years younger and everyone in between.

Even as a child I had very strong connections with animals and nature, I had a little dog that use to cry real tears when I cried. Cat's that lived wild when I was not home, but they arrive at the house even before I did after being away for weeks, and did not leave the house until I was gone.

I need to connect with nature often, even if it is to smell cut grass, rain on a dirt road, walking in a forest or just walking on the beach with the waves around my feet.

I learned this at a very young age, I think I was about 5. I needed nature to boost my energy and to feed my soul. I get to unplug for a little while.

Water is my element, even if Fire are part of my star sign, Aries. Water is the west sign, no wonder I love sunsets. Water are directly connected to your emotions and can help nourish and clean you. I love our South African late afternoon thunder storms, big drop on our tin roof. But I have to admit that I hate soft rain that last for days. My fire element as an Aries, need the sun everyday.

Non of us can explain some of the strange connections that we make, but I want those millisecond connections, the ones that makes your heart beat just a little bit faster, and make me feel alive.

Bucket list (these I can tick)

Items I am removing from my bucket list......

(these are in no specific order)

These will be ticked before the end of this year (2015).

June 2015

Walk the streets Venice. DONE

Write an note at Juliet's wall in Verona. WAS IN THE COURT YARD

Eat real Italian pasta. DONE

Shop in Milan. DONE
Drive on the wrong side of the road. DONE

Travel on my own in Italy.DONE

Not on the original Italy list.

Drove a car with the steering wheel on the other side.

Made real Italia pasta.

Found Alta Aqua Libreria in Venice.

Had real Italian pizza on a square in Torino and Venice.

Bought real Italian shoes, lots of them.

Gelato for lunch, more than ones.

Drive at more the 200km/h (on a highway) (Okay it was 260km/h)
Traveling to Europe
Drank wine in France.
Walked down the  des Champs-Elysee's in Paris 
Visiting an tropical island or 2
Dancing in the rain.
Got married.
Giving birth.
Went to, screamed and danced at a Rock concert.
Swim with dolphins.
Getting a tattoo
Touched a baby lion.
Having a Giraffe eating from my hand. (my all-time favorite animal)
Started my own blog.
I have been published in a Newspaper and a Magazine.
Walked in the streets of Paris, France at night.
Road on a steam train.
I've been on TV. (okay only in SA)
I've been to the Vic Falls in Zambia
I climbed Dune 7 in Namibia.
I've been to the most southern tip of Africa.
I swam in the Indian ocean and the Atlantic ocean. Peed in both!
I saw the Big Five.
Went skinny dipping.
Met my soul mate.
Partied in a parking lot. In a bus, a big one and a small one.
Went to my 2 favorite bands ever, rock concerts. Def Leppard and Nickleback!!!
I had an owl as a pet.
Rode my motorbike in a bikini.
Done all kind of crazy stuff in the pipe car.
Got Felipe Massa's signature on my Ferrari Babe T-shirt.