I read to escape!

Why do I read what I read?

What does it mean that I only want to read books about the supernatural, Witches, Vampires, Werewolf's. Historical Romance and futuristic books or a hot love story. I very seldom read novels that are classified as good literature? For a long time I have been wondering if there is something wrong with me.

The same with the movies and TV programmes that I watch, I can't stand movies about animals, any hardships or real life, give me a Dracula movie any day, or a Disney or Pixar movie. The only movie that does not fall into this category are one of my top 5 movies, The Shawsank Redemption. Again a Stephan King book. So that should speak for it self.

I am at the point that I have started to make peace with this side of my personality. I will read what I want and I don't care anymore what you think.

I have always been fascinated with the supernatural in an escape from reality way. I think we have all been brain washed that being fascinated with anything supernatural is evil. I know the difference between wright and wrong, I don't practice magic and I am not looking for a real life vampire. I use the supernatural as an escape from reality, especially when I can't cope.

People reading Speculative fiction (science fiction, fantasy, and paranormal) tend to be more Intuitive. 

Being aware of myself 

Doing a bit of research about what this means, I started to remember stuff that I have forgotten, or needed to keep quiet about, or realized made other people uncomfortable.

One of my earliest memories are me flying / levitating in my room I was about 5 or 6. Just like floating on water I just hang in the air for a while. I have a very vivid memory of this. It might be a recurring dream, but it is one of those memories that stayed with me. Even then I  had to escaped from reality or maybe not.

I know I have the virtue of Discernment, I have always been able to tell if a person have good or bad intentions, I don't remember every being wrong about that, it might take awhile for that person to show their true colours but it always happen. As a child you don't always know how to avoid people like that, but I learned that the hard way. And it does not always prevent you still getting hurt or being disappointed. I am only human.

I can feel when there is a spirit/ ghost in the same room as me, I can't see them. It is something that you can't fight or discard as your imagination. It forms part of me having Discernment as a virtue.

I have always believed that everything are connected.

Reading up about my book preference, I understood now that I use these kind of books as a way to distance  myself from the emotions and feelings of the people around me, my family, friends or the people that I work with. It's not that I don't want to be there, it's that I can only heal myself if I escape from reality for awhile.
I feel to much and that drains me emotionally. I become very dark and even sick!  I am somebody that needs a lot of me time, and as I can't remove myself from most of these places, like my home or my work, I use the time when I read as my alone time, a time to recharge. I like escaping into an alternate universe or another life. I also like to escape into music when I can't read! I take myself away and just enjoy those times. When I get back I can cope again. I refuse to feel guilty about any of this.

I noted that I have a lot of the traits of an Empath. I am not saying I am one, but trying to understand myself I could see a lot of myself in the traits listed:

Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable, I don't watch the news or read any newspapers. 

Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for me and pets are an essential part of their life. I identify with many forms of nature and frequently feel affinity towards storms, and I feel grounded when I have my feet in the ocean.

Need for solitude: I will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time, a bubble bath and a glass of wine.

Likes adventure, freedom and travel. Yes that is me!

Abhors clutter I am not obsessive, but I like thing to be where they should be.

Excellent listener: I don't talk about myself unless it’s to someone I really trust. 

I love to learn and know about others and I genuinely care. My friends know they can trust me.

The ability to feel the days of the week, and I see the days in colour. Tuesday is yellow.

You know when someone is not being honest. Again discernment.

Constant fatigue: I often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure.

Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.


This is why I only read books about the supernatural, Witches, Vampires, Werewolf's. Historical Romance and futuristic books or a hot love story!

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2015 my year of changes.

Every year I have a list of new years resolutions. I get to most of them, but in 2014 I decided that the list would be very short and I am so clad about that, because it was a very difficult year for me personally.

For 2015 my only new years resolutions will be changes to myself, I cut my hear short, losing the last few kilograms and making a few more changes to my life. I have already started with the exercises for the 6 pack tummy! Living more green will also part of the changes. I would like to save our planet it is the only one with coffee, chocolates and wine.

I am going to be true to myself.
I want to be honest with myself all the time.
I want to find the real me again.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I need to make peace with my darker side, it is part of me and if I want to start being honest with myself, I need to acknowledge that part as well.
I will not be afraid to express my opinion and say what is on my mind when I feel that I am being stepped on.
I will not worry about what other people might think, I just want to do stuff that I enjoy and make me feel alive. I have already started doing this a while back.
I have not been in a comfort zone for a while, but that is okay. I want to keep it that way.
I am going to try be okay with all the broken pieces that I carry around, I can live with those scars.
I know I need a lot more me time, so I hope I can take the time when needed.
I will be saying no a bit more. Making my boundaries clear.


I believe that sometimes we need to take back the things we might have lost along the way.

Rocker Chic Forever!

Feeling the music in my hart, drums beating through my body, and singing at the top of my voice, heaven right there in my car.

Nothing else can lift my spirit like a stunning rock song, playing it as loud as my speakers can go...or a loud as possible in my earphones. Because Rock Music is my painkiller. Rock Music is my pick-me -upper.

My first tape was Queen, my first 7 single, Cutting Crew - I just died in your arms tonight. My first album Bruce Springsteen - Born in the USA and my first CD. Def Leppard-Vault.

I don't listen to Afrikaans Music, and I hate "Boere musiek" and I don't get Jazz.

Yes I had the black bedroom, the posters on the wall and a crush on Jon Bon Jovi...

My first Rock Concert - Def Leppard, others in between,  then  Daughtry and Nickleback and next will be 30 Seconds to Mars, will be missing Foo Fighters but maybe next time.

And for some reason the lead guitarist and the drummer always makes the show so much more amazing. According to some report that is a sure sign of being a Rocker Chic.

My current usb - mix tape are always 3/4 rock music.

My first favorite song, I want to break free - Queen

My current favorite Vox Populi, 30 seconds to mars.

Last week it was Love Somebody - Maroon 5.

My all time favorite Love Bites - Def Leppard.

My kids favorite song, Another brick in the wall - Pink Floyd. (Epic parenting)

My kids know the words to purple rain - Prince.(Again epic parenting).

My kids keep on signing Thunder - ACDC (give me a medal)

When I grow up I want to be Tina Turner or Pink, or Bonnie Tyler, Heart, Cindy Lauper and all the rest of those amazing girls.

Rocker Chic Forever!

Do you even know that you are judging?

I have been struggling lately with people that think they can be judgmental, intrude and even assume that they have an opinion regarding anybody else's life.

I know I am living in a glass house, but I really try not to judge, and I hope that the people that really knows me can say that I almost never express an opinion on how you should live your life. I will accept you for who you are and how you make me feel, because I trust my gut 100%. I have never been wrong, so if I don't feel comfortable around you I will just avoid you where possible, but I will still try to treat you with the respect you deserve as a person.

Don't get me wrong, I am very opinionated about a lot of stuff, but I try very hard to never express my opinion on how you should live your life.

Do unto others that you would like done unto you!

Do we even realize that expressing a different opinion on somebody else's social media post can be judgmental, thinking you have such a right is wrong on so many levels, if you don't like a post ignore it, or unfriend that person. Don't be a bully. But I think 99% of people does not even realize what they are doing.

Anybody that never use swears words, raise your hand!

If you have never done anything wrong, raise your hand!

If you have never made any mistakes, raise your hand!

If you are perfect raise your hand!

If not just shut the fuck up.

Most of the people that don't fit into your box or stay between your lines, might be the people whose integrity is greater than any rule book and whose loyalty is stronger than blood.

"Remember the world is change by your example, not by your opinion."

If we have to show you mercy, then stop judging us!

Perfectly Scared.

I am absolutely perfectly scared.

All the scars I carry on the inside and the outside made me who I am.

Some scars remind me everyday that I am a survivor. Other scars are part of being a women and a mother. And the ones that nobody can see will forever be my reminder of life lessons.

A lot of the scars have faded away and I don't even notice or remember them anymore. But there will always be one or two scars that never turns white or fade away. I have learnt to live with those, but when I am weak and tired, most often when I really don't want to be reminded, those scars will be the only things that I can see or feel.

I have scars on my heart, most have healed but when you least expect it, a similar experience will open it up, and the healing will have to start all over. You need to bleed a bit before the wound can become a scar.

My healing process takes time and I am one of those people that heals very slowly and scar very badly. On the inside and the outside. Maybe the uglier the scar, the harder it will be to open up that wound again.

The self inflicted internal scars seems stupid, but we all have them, those choices you made or did not make, regrets, people that you loved and lost or  people I just had to walk away from, and experiences and special moments that stay with you forever....

Then there are those scars that make me smile, little scars left secretly on my heart.

I feel with my soul, trust with my gut and most of the time love to intensely, and then get hurt so badly that I scar....

For the first time in my life, I wanted a reminder of how strong I am, I wanted a symbol that will represent where I am in my life, a reminder that no matter how many times I get hurt, I will get up and fly again;

I saw this little black dragon, and just new this will be my first tattoo. I am fierce and I am strong and just as magical as my dragon.

My dragon is beautiful and I am wearing it proudly!

My Previous life as a Gangster Chic.

I was a Gangster Chic in a previous life.

I have started to watch Son's of Anarchy and something about the life style is resonating with me.

I am almost 100% sure that in a previous life I was a member of a gang, or as they say in SAMCROW, an old lady.

I absolutely get anarchism: (according to Emma Goldman)

Anarchism stands for the liberation of the human mind from the dominion of religion and liberation of the human body from the coercion of property; liberation from the shackles and restraint of government. It stands for a social order based on the free grouping of individuals" Emma Goldman!

I can see myself in black high heel bitch boots. Riding a motor cycle black as night, dressed in all black leather.

I agree with the social order based on the free grouping of individuals, is it not what we are doing at Rebel 4x4 and EXE 4x4?

The shackles and restraints placed on all of us by society and our peers can get to me. I hate that I sometimes need to kick a habit or friendships and relationships are frowned on, because it is not acceptable in our society, even if we are living in the 21st century, maybe we need that liberation and soon.

I agree that everybody should get a say and a vote. Anarchy does not mean no rules, it means the group will make the rules, and anybody stepping out of line get taken care off. It is still a democracy but the rules are very clear and the repercussions are just as clear. But everybody has your back!

Since I can remember, I have been a Rocker Chic, nothing else did it for me like The Boss, or Queen and Tina Tuner, now I am starting to believe that even at 10 years old I could not get away from my past life.

This might not be in line with everyday religion, but I am more a spiritual girl than a religious girl.
I still believe in family, friendship and the believe that you are doing the right thing.

Confessions of a Chocaholic!

I am a chocaholic and it has been 3 hours since my last peace of chocolate.

The most costly part of being a chocoholic are all the chocolate you have to hide from the kids.

Some of my first memories are the Big Chomps that my dad bought the 3 off us each evening.

As a kid I don't remember not having a chocolate everyday. So I can place my addiction at my dads feet.

I confess, that I am addicted to all kinds of chocolate, I don't have a favourite. Any kind of chocolate will feed my cravings, this warm and fussy addiction.

So I need to confess a few things:

I have had chocolate for breakfast, and for lunch and for dinner. And then in between as well.....

Chocolate Muffins, Chocolate Cup Cakes, Choc Chip cookies, Slabs of Dark Chocolate, a Tex, a Kit Kat, a Nosh bar, a Bar One.....

Okay I lied ... I do have a favourite, CHOCOLATE BROWNIES...

I have sold my soul for CHOCOLATE BROWNIES...